My little brother got stuck on the South Eastern arterial today with his concrete crew. Traffic backed up and brought to a standstill for an hour at about 1.30pm.
Traffic finally starts moving, police lights can be seen in the distance. A white Audi is being hauled up on to a tow truck. Seated along the concrete barriers are five young men of have-a-guess appearance in cuffs on the bitumen and about 10 cops.
Diversity! 
Mmmmm, Italian?
Mongolian?
No, no, no, I know! Inuit!
Australian???
Hominid?
I nearly got stuck in that. Lying signs on Burke Rd said a ten minute delay, glad I chose to rat run instead.
Were the Audi occupants Aryan to match the car?
Considering the cuffs, Iâm tipping dissapointed appearance lol.
Obviously they were Himalayan basket weavers.
Not underwater basket weavers?
No, itâs illegal.
So they must have been then, the Himalayan underwater basket-weavers - ergo the handcuffs because itâs illegal.
Only if you get caught lol.
Which they did!
Like I said, itâs illegal. Case clothed. Key em up and lock away the throw.
He said they looked African, dunno how he guessed that though.
Oh sir, you are good!
Donât call him Sir he workâs for a living⌠
So I am in the office. I see some delivery guy at the door, I hear wife opens the door⌠Also the delivery truck looked kind of weird.
I came out later, hello dear wife, whatchaget? Looked interesting and unusual? I shit you not, âvegan dairy free gluten free doughnutsâ. I am not sure why âdairyâ needed to be emphasised on a vegan product, but why not go for the trifecta, ay.
Things did look like doughnuts. Taste wise, not so muchâŚ
ThenâŚ
As I am about to chuck the box in the recycling bin, I feel something heavy in there â 500ml of hand sanitiser.
WTF?
Me: wife, why do we need more hand sanitizer?
Wife: wasnât me, they must have thrown it in there as a gift. Very weird. Definitely WTF.
(fucking rich coming from a weirdo who just received âvegan dairy free gluten free doughnutsâ by currier, but anywayâŚ)
Me: I have a theory!
Wife: it actually sounds very plausible. Approved.
The theory
They (the vegan makers of the vegan dairy free gluten free doughnuts) realise that vegans are malnourished, weak, fragile individuals and during this hard epidemic COVID times where people just drop dead on the street - vegans would be the first to cack it. So! Free sanitizer is to make sure they survive, in order to keep the client base!
My excitement for the evening.
Sound like a poor army pun
